For my memory.

Today I had a somewhat unusual day. Perhaps the strangest part was attending a lecture were the tutor exclaimed with vigor, the phrase 'anal fisting'. This was promptly followed by the waving of his fist in the air. An accurate visual representation for those of us who may have been unsure of what a fist looked like. 

Out of context this may shock and, or appall some of my fictional readership. I imagine a fusty old dear reading this with her spectacles balanced precariously on the edge of her age enhanced schnozz, gasping in sheer terror and abhorrence at the awful phrase I have introduced to her. The rest of my fictional readership consists of young desensitized delinquents like myself who have far better things to be doing that ranting on about arse hands.

Anyway I digress.

This wasn't an uninhibited vocalization of a god sickening expression. There was some arguably educational context involved, which is why this post is for the benefit of my memory and not for the likes of you Deidre.

The topic of discussion for today's seminar was Bret Easton Ellis' Less Than Zero, a somewhat harrowing remark on the sheer godless, narcissistic, brat factory known commonly as LA. Written in the 1980s during a period of economic prosperity, the novel immerses the reader into the world of Clay, the 18 year old son of a movie producer who is struggling to cope in an arid world of androgynous people and perpetual monotony.

The book contains progressively more graphic scenes culminating in rape and pedophilia. All in all not the most cheerful of books but it's debatably a snapshot into a 'real' existence for some people out there. Pretty much all the characters live in a bubble on the cusp of being burst. They have to continue living out their self indulgent, present orientated lifestyles to either success or self destruction. Trapped in a superficial world the characters dare not challenge the ideologies they have been contained by their entire lives. Their social standing and representation is all they have to hold onto, if they were to abandon this they would be lost in a world with no tangible connections to anything else. 

Contained in the opening line the overriding theme is that the characters are 'afraid to merge'. No one dares to be real, yet they often seek out exploits and activities that may create the illusion of being real, to perhaps elevate their own social standings.

Discussing these ideas and more (which I have forgotten) really got my synapses firing. At the moment I'm deliberating on what I'd like to do a research based masters on and this post-modern mediated Orwellian dystopia we call the present is an appealing topic.

The media puts these LA high-flying 'elites' on pedestals, they have the world at their finger tips. They have more wealth than they could ever spend, access to all the material possessions and it's fucking awful. They can no longer be part of anything 'real' and significant (not like the rest of us really can either). Concerned with impressing the world and their peers they become commoditised, expected to look a certain way, own certain objects, say certain things, associate with certain people. Like androids their lives are dictated by others and they can't really escape.

A handout we were given today contained an extract by Terry Eagleton 'In this social order, then, you can no longer have bohemian rebels or revolutionary avant-gardes because they no longer have anything to blow up'    

Their can no longer be hippy movements or punk movements, it'd be a futile attempt to escape a system that can't be escaped from. The world sees everything, then adopts and commoditises it. An escapist culture trying to abandon these concerns is doomed to be consumed. 

Well to tie this up I'll explain how 'anal fisting' made it's appearance in the debates that raged today. Our tutor asked the class whether we had heard a song named 'Stink Fist' by 'Tool'. One of two people claimed they listened to Tool but no one knew the song.

To enlighten us all of the beauty and majesty of this track, David (I think is our tutors name, he's new so I'm not sure) decided to put the song on, complete with on screen lyrics. In his defense it was relevant to what we were discussing. It had lyrics like 'constant over stimulation numbs me' but then it takes a dark turn when the singer describes the intrusion of 'the borderline'. He starts off slow but eventually, the lovely lady who had the pleasure of being the subject of this poetic ballad evidently gets used to these minor intrusions and ends up with an arm inside her.
Pleasant stuff.

Afterwards David asked the class if they picked up on the (subtle) metaphors. I'm pretty sure everyone did, I mean the song was called Stink fist I had my reservations from the get go. However no one was brave enough to utter the words 'anal fisting' which resulted in David's announcement  and performance.

Welcome to the desert of the real.

Imminence

In eight day's I am required by 'the rules' to hand in two pieces of coursework. Both of which will go someway to determining my overall mark, and whether or not I should have bothered with this university malarkey in the first place. I'm yet to start one of these pieces of coursework and to be honest it's starting to bother me.

However I can't summon the motivation to actually get on with it so I thought I'd write here instead. In the end it's all pointless typing that maybe one person will read once. In fact it's more likely that this worthless spew I'm nonchalantly bashing into my keyboard like a shit Virginia Woolf will have more of an audience than the essay I will end up putting several hours into. It's kind of depressing really.

Anyway I've got a topic and a few opinions I could share with you, the internet! So maybe it won't be a complete waste of time. Although I feel like this blog is similar to the unfulfilled past time of praying, in the sense that I spend time trying to engage an audience who isn't there.
But like those religious troopers out there I ain't gonna let that stop me!

As I mentioned I am yet to start ONE of these pieces (notice the emphasis on ONE). Yes I have in fact completed the other assignment (Hooray for me). As a literature student I am required to read a particular text, then read around this text, then write about the text and what other people have written about the text. This means reading literary theorists theories, Philosophers philosophies and Sociologists sociologies... Ok the last one didn't work but no matter because I've decided to use a broader label to categorise all of the above and the many other 'professions' that end with 'ist' or 'pher'. It's a word you may be familiar with, I call them 'Bullshitters'.

 Now this is were it gets kind of tricky because I'm not saying that it's all made up and worthless, but at the same time... It kind of is. To be honest that sentence pretty much summarises all of philosophy and I could stop there but I shall go on to explain why it's all bullshit.

I've noticed through reading and attempting to imitate theorists that there is a underlying problem. This being that you are never right. Nor are you ever wrong... Apart from when you're really wrong.

Anytime a philosopher publishes one of his/her musings it's instantly open for debate and within a decade or two there will be several new papers (each critically acclaimed and published) completely disregarding the original opinion and in fact making a convincing argument to the contrary. As it's just a theory there is no way of proving either of them right or wrong so what's the point?

Of course that's not my argument because there is a point... I think. Through different approaches to an idea or practice we might be able to come up with a solution, providing the idea or practice is something that needs/can be solved (which isn't always the case). So the ideas of theses mystic sages may end up being passed down through the generations and being of some use to some future civilization. Or alternatively they might have some effect on the world today.

I'll use Freud as an example. He came up with various theories to do with the subconscious and how the mind works. This ended up having quite a lot of weight in the world of science and arguably was the basis for treating people with psychological problems such as post traumatic stress disorder. However he was also a cocaine fiend and some of his other theories have always seemed a bit far fetched to me. Like the whole phallic thing where everything's cock-shaped and if you deny this then you love cocks more than anyone or anything and if you're unfortunate enough to be born a women your constantly pinning for a cock of your own, trying to make up for it by buying guns or suggestive looking cactus'.

Obviously not the exact theory but it's close enough for the sake of the argument. So now we have this theory whizzing about when some other recognisably learned individual says "it's all wrong" and implores us "to completely disregard all of that kind of nonsense." 

So now where does that leave us? In exactly the same place! These kind of theories have little to no impact on everyday life anyway they're not even a blip on the radar for most people.
They're bullshit!

However if you study any kind of theory you'll find yourself having to argue with or against the thoerists over and over again until you're sat at your desk red eyed and wired from coffee asking yourself what's the point!?

Well at least that's where I was today. I finished off my first essay and found that every time I made an argument, there was a little voice in my head attempting to contradict or undermine it. Or if made a seemingly intellectual point about a specific niche I realised I could apply that same point to literally everything else in the world so what was the point saying it?

This then got me thinking about whether or not my essay was absolute shit and that I had missed the mark entirely.

I obsessed over this for a short while, repeatedly reading my essay and It seemed like a coherent argument but I couldn't shrug this irking feeling that It wasn't right (I'm worrying about it again just writing this). Despite this inner battle I WAS happy that I had bullshitted well and it was an adequate piece of work. Now I'm not so sure, but fuck it I'm done. The next one can wait til tomorrow.

Peace and Love

 

MITTENS!

Eurgh, look at those fat bastards. Sitting there in their own filth, glaring at that flickering box in front of them. I sometimes forget why I choose to live here. I never bothered to learn their names they don't listen to me anyway. My demands often go ignored, their apparent ignorance only serves to actuate my consternation and thus drives me to demand further.
The one closest is the obvious target.
"Hey you, give me some food!"
...
Typical.
I didn't expect him to get up anyway. All I'm ever granted is a lazy glance that strains at his fleshy neck rolls contorting his face into an exacerbated wince...
Disgusting.
I hate these creatures so.
If they're not going to bother neither am I.
 

 Z

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...Well. Nothing seems to have changed here, they're all still there, still no food, I'm still here... Regrettably.
Seems like I have to do everything round here.
I'll find something for myself then.
...
Oh. Looks like my ability to get up and move has enthralled the smaller one.
The child seems inexplicably interested in me.
The fat bastard.

 He doesn't scare me.
I'll just maintain a stoney eyed glare until he stops staring at me.

...
Shit that usually works, there's a definite glint in his eyes.
He's going to do something any minute now... He's going to try and attack me I know it!
Fuck this!

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<>

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Eurgh, I hate exerting unnecessary energy, especially when I'm in need of some sustenance.
At least I'm closer to the food now. I spy something on the table.
....

Hmmm, It smells pretty good, not sure what it is though. I'll just tuck in. No one else is bothering with it anyway. Shame for it to go to waste.
...
Mmmm, Not bad.
...

Now What?
Here I am eating my snack in peace and now one of those monsters has decided to get up.
Insolent beast, what's her problem?

Screaming, shouting, waving her extremities.
"leave me alone!"
...

Oh Shit, she's got a bit of wood or something. Fuck this!

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<>

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More running!
I detest it.

But I refuse to be in close proximity to any of those creatures.
I'm going to stay here and gaze out the window.

Hmm maybe I should go outside, maybe I should be..

 Z

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What's that? Why is there so much noise in this building?
...
Wait I know that sound.
It's for me!

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<>

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Ah they've finally come to their senses.
I wonder what delicacy I shall be indulging in tonight.
Well at least it's meat.
.

<>

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Ok that meal was far too small.
I require more.
They have more.
Why do they have more?

...

"Hey you!, Give me some of that food!"

...

Ignored again!

I'm getting sick of this.
That's it I'm just going to help myself.
...

"Give me the food!"

...

Maybe.. If... I... Slo-owly... Get... A little... Closer...
...
Haha! Success, fuck you this is my meat now!

...
Fuck he's got up..
He's a lot faster than I imagined him to be.

That's it I'm going out, It's too dangerous in here.

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<>

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Ah the great outdoors. Somewhere where I can truly appreciate this meal without the pale faced glances and offensive utterances of those wretches inside. It's actually quite pleasant out tonight, I'll just wait outside for a little while and watch the..

Z

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