Strange Times Call for Strange Musings

My favourite part of the 1985 cult-classic 'Re-Animator' was the part where the headless body of the character Dr. Hill holds his own severed head between the thighs of the restrained and distressed damsel, Megan, in a disturbing attempt to perform cunnilingus. “Ha ha” I thought, “this is vile, if the effects and make up weren’t so dated I think I could be genuinely horrified by this scene”. 
    Over the years I’ve developed an appreciation for the tongue-in-cheek, horror/comedy sub genre.  Films such as ‘Planet Terror’ with the crazed scientist who carries around a jar of pickled human testicles; the atrocious ‘Wrong Turn’ series featuring a family of deformed incest rural Southern Americans who cleave hapless college kids in twain; and of course ‘Hobo With A Shotgun’, in which a sinister group of criminals control and torment a town using some rather creative methods of decapitation, in-turn suffering the wrath of a vengeful homeless man wielding a shotgun. With these kind of films, the violence is often so over the top, that you can’t seriously try to explain them. Even though the severed head attempting to perform oral sex, was especially vulgar and made me utter some expressions of slight revulsion, such as ‘urgh’ and ‘damn-son’ it was followed by laughter and a good old knee slap. “This is silly” I said out loud, not considering any real world parallels... How naïve I was! Almost immediately after enjoying this family friendly feature I experienced a sense of disgust that brought me back down to earth. In a bizarre and strangely coincidental turn of events, I discovered that our triumphant leader Mr. David Cameron has a past history of oral sex with severed heads.
  
   After enjoying ‘Re-Animator’ on Netflix, autopilot took me to Facebook where I was confronted with various tweets, memes and gifs alluding to our proud leaders nefarious interactions with the head of a pig. What could drive a man to do such a thing? Perhaps I’ve been too liberal in my approach to cinema and literature. I've always believed that onscreen violence and gore could have no real bearing on peoples lives. Even as a child I knew the distinction between fictionalised violence and actual violence. Playing games like GTA or watching films like Saw couldn’t really affect a developing mind and encourage actual violent behaviour could it? But then I got thinking. Young David would have been a lad of 15-16 when ‘Re-Animator’ came out. I imagine he and his Etonian chums lived a fairly sheltered life, tinged with a sinister homo-eroticism that comes with spending time amongst power hungry, adolescent males in a boarding school. The cruel initiations used to determine hierarchical standing would have eroded some of his sensibilities but this kind of deprived sexual behaviour must have much more menacing origins. Clearly, young Cameron wandered into the cinema and was accidentally exposed to H.P Lovecraft’s twisted imagination. When poor young Davy stepped out of the cinema, he was a changed man.  He deserves our pity not our scorn. He
never stood a chance.

Though another odd coincidence occurred to me when I learnt of this indecent act. There is an eerie connection to a satirical film, written by Charlie Brooker called ‘National Anthem’. The first in his critically acclaimed series ‘Black Mirror’, this stark and unexpectedly realistic imagining of a not too distant future, pictures a beloved member of the royal family being held at ransom by terrorists. To avoid an execution the prime minister must have sexual intercourse with a pig on live television. Being the critical thinker he is, Brooker poses this dilemma against the back drop of the hungry medias response, a demanding public and a prime-minister in a difficult and defiant position. ‘What would happen?’ we are invited to think. Would our proud leader be able to demean himself in order to save the life of a national treasure? If these unlikely events unfolded in the real world could we rely on our politicians to do what needs to be done? The answer is apparently an unequivocal ‘Yes’. It’s as if our exemplary prime minister had the foresight to predict Charlie Brooker’s provocative film. Mr Cameron has proved that he is one step ahead. He saw this coming! Don’t you worry about the next four years Cameron will prevail. In fact I think he probably leaked this ‘pig-gate’ information himself. This is his trump card to win over public opinion. The conservatives are feeling the pinch now Corbyn has been elected leader of the Labour party and gained an increasing amount of admiration and attention. The population want to know who will be best equipped to deal with an uncertain future. Well Corbyn is ok and he seems like his heart is in the right place but then again he is a vegetarian, he doesn’t stand for the national anthem and it doesn't look like he is willing to bow in reverence to a woman who has broke the world record for amount of time sat on a chair. I very much doubt that he would even eat a bacon sandwich to save a royal life considering the fiasco with Ed Milliband. No he is weighed down too much by his morals and supports for animal rights to rape a pig. This of course is the turning point! Cameron can step in and boast that he has already stood tall for our National Anthem, he has stooped low for leathery Liz and he has already fucked a pig for the sheer hell of it. When Kate Middleton is inevitably taken hostage by sadomasochistic terrorists David Cameron will be the first to drop his pants, in order to save a British life. As he stands there laughing, thrusting away, I for one will watch, proclaiming that it was the film ‘Re-Animator’ that enabled Cameron to fulfil his role as Prime Minister and leader of the conservative party, and it is to onscreen violence and gore that we owe our thanks.